More
humour from the net
courtesy
of Gary Potts
gjpotts@pcug.org.au
A
couple of hunters are out in
the
woods in the deep south when one of
them falls to the ground. He
doesn't
seem to be breathing, and his eyes
are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell
phone
and calls 911. He gasps to the
operator, "My friend is dead!
What can
I do?"
The operator, in a calm and
soothing
voice, says, "Alright, take it
easy. I can help. First, let's
make
sure he's dead."
There is silence, and then a gun
shot
is heard.
The hunter comes back on the
line.
"OK. Now what??"
A
blonde is terribly overweight,
so her doctor put her on a diet. "I
want you to eat regularly for 2
days,
then skip a day, and repeat this
procedure for 2 weeks. The next
time I
see you, you'll have lost at
least 5 pounds."
When the blonde returned, she
shocked
the doctor by losing nearly 20
pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor
said, "Did you follow my
instructions?"
The blonde nodded, "I'll tell you
though, I thought I was going to drop
dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" asked
the
doctor.
"No, from skipping," replies the
blonde.
When
you take a long time, you're
slow.
When your boss takes a long time,
he's
thorough.
When you don't do it, you're
lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it,
he's too
busy.
When you make a mistake, you're
an
idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake,
he's
only human.
When doing something without
being
told, you're overstepping your
authority. When your boss does
the
same thing, that's initiative.
When you take a stand, you're
being
bull-headed.
When your boss does it, he's
being
firm.
When you overlook a rule of
etiquette,
you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules,
he's
being original.
When you please your boss, you're
apple polishing.
When your boss pleases his boss,
he's
being co-operative.
When you're out of the office,
you're
wandering around.
When your boss is out of the
office,
he's on business.
When you're on a day off sick,
you're
always sick.
When your boss is a day off sick,
he
must be very ill.
When you apply for leave, you
must be
going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave,
it's
because he's overworked.
A
young man named Murphy
applied for an engineering position at an Irish
firm based in Dublin. An American
applied for the same job and both
applicants having the same
qualifications were asked to take a test by
the department manager.
Upon completion of the test, both men
only missed one of the questions.
The manager went to Murphy and said,
"Thank you for your interest,
but we've decided to give the American
the job."
Murphy asked, "And why would you be
doing that? We both got nine
questions correct. This being Ireland,
and me being Irish I should get
the job!"
The manager said, "We have made our
decision not on the correct answers,
but rather on the question that you
missed."
Murphy then asked, "And just how would
one incorrect answer be better
than the other?"
The manager replied, "Simple, the
American put down on question No 5, 'I
don't know.' You put down, 'Neither do
I'."
Ron Lacey
ron@ronstoons.com wrote:
This week's Random
Acts is ready for your cartoon edification at...
http://ronanddave.com/rat.htm
Enjoy - Ron
Ron Lacey
Murillo, Ontario,
Canada.
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