More humour from the net

courtesy of Gary Potts gjpotts@pcug.org.au

A couple of hunters are out in the woods in the deep south when one of
them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes
are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the
operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator, in a calm and soothing voice, says, "Alright, take it
easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is silence, and then a gun shot is heard.

The hunter comes back on the line. "OK. Now what??"


A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I
want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this
procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at
least 5 pounds."

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20
pounds.

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my
instructions?"

The blonde nodded, "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop
dead that third day."

"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.

"No, from skipping," replies the blonde.



When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.

When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.

When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.

When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your
authority. When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.

When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.
When your boss does it, he's being firm.

When you overlook a rule of etiquette, you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.

When you please your boss, you're apple polishing.
When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.

When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.

When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.

When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.


A young man named Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish
firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both
applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by
the department manager.

Upon completion of the test, both men only missed one of the questions.
The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you for your interest,
but we've decided to give the American the job."

Murphy asked, "And why would you be doing that? We both got nine
questions correct. This being Ireland, and me being Irish I should get
the job!"

The manager said, "We have made our decision not on the correct answers,
but rather on the question that you missed."

Murphy then asked, "And just how would one incorrect answer be better
than the other?"

The manager replied, "Simple, the American put down on question No 5, 'I
don't know.' You put down, 'Neither do I'."




Ron Lacey ron@ronstoons.com wrote:

This week's Random Acts is ready for your cartoon edification at...

http://ronanddave.com/rat.htm

Enjoy - Ron

Ron Lacey

Murillo, Ontario, Canada.

Photos
ron@ronsfotos.com

Ron's Cartoons
http://ronstoons.com

The Adventures of Ron and Dave
http://ronanddave.com

Paint Shop Pro Zero to Hero

http://www.friendsofed.com/books/1590592387/



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