More humour from the net

Senior Driving 1

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the interstate. Please be careful!"

Yea," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

Senior Driving 2

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself  "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through.

The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red, but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous . At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through.

So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"

Mildred turned to her and said: "WHAT! Am I driving?"

Word Play

A selection of word definitions by The Washington Post. Sent by Mike Purcell.:

1.      Abattour: The line of rubberneckers driving slowly by the scene of a traffic accident hoping to see some gore.

2.      Beginity: The other end of infinity.

3.      Cabbage: Taxi fare.

4.      Docyoumeant: The letter you SHOULD have written.

5.      Earnigma: A Tax Office form.

6.      Epoxy: Infected with a computer virus.

7.      Flabbergasted: appalled over how much weight you have gained.

8.      Gethsemoney: Thirty pieces of silver.

9.      Hste: When there's just no time for spelling the whole word.

10.  Internapping: Web browsing with a dial-up.

11.  Jestation: That pregnant pause between joke and punch line.

12.  Kimchihuahua: Asian food made with secret special ingredients.

13.  Liverworst: The unkindest cold cut of all.

14.  Meander: A lovers' stroll.

15.  Negligent: Condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

16.  Osteo-witticism: A humerus play on words; a bone mot.

17.  Pi-eyed: 3.1415962653 sheets to the wind.

18.  Queery: To ask the question that dares not speak its name.

19.  Robust: Underwire bra.

20.  Slumber: Sawing logs.

21.  Thesaurus: Extinct lizard-like creature with good language skills.

22.  Unaqueue: The single line that should be formed when waiting before two ATMs, rather than forming a separate line before each.

23.  Vomittee: A work group that spews out report after report.

24.  Westhamptonboroughminsterburginshire: A small village in England, pronounced "Wesher."

25.  Xxylophone: A percussing instrument.

26.  Yearner's-permit: A credit card.

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