A few Jokes from the Net.

1. A Talking Chicken from http://www.aikenslaughs.com/
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A man was crossing a road one day, when a chicken called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the chicken, and put it in his pocket. The chicken
spoke up again, and said,

"If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell
everyone how smart and brave you are, and how you are my hero."

The man took the chicken out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to
his pocket.

The chicken spoke up again, and said,

"If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your
loving companion for an entire week."

The man took the chicken out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to
his pocket. The chicken then cried out,

"If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a
year, and do ANYTHING you want."

Again, the man took the chicken out, smiled at it, and put it back into his
pocket.

Finally, the chicken asked, "What is the matter with you?
I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year,
and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The man said, "Look, Chick, I'm a software engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking chicken is cool."

2. Little Johnny also from AikensLaughs
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The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers.

  "Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught me."

  "Good. What comes after three."

  "Four," answers the boy.

  "What comes after six?"

  "Seven."

  "Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job.
    What comes after ten?"

  "A jack," says the kid.

3. And a link from Noel Matthews

Spelling fun here:

http://members.lycos.nl/bladel/languagefun/spelling.htm#eurenglish 

4. Maybe another one: From Trevor

A strong Baptist family decided to buy a home and make everything in the
house Baptist. They were going to make it look and feel Baptist through and
through. So when they were finished they went to a petshop to look for a
Baptist dog. They asked the owner, "Do you have a Baptist dog?"

Surprised, the petshop owner thought about it for a while and then nodded,
saying, "Yes... yes, I think we have a dog that will fit your description."

So the owner brought out the dog to the family, and the father said, "Let's
see if this is a real Baptist dog." So the father said to the dog, "Go get a
Bible."

And the dog ran over to a table, grabbed a Bible in its mouth, ran back to
the man and plopped the book at his feet. Impressed, the father continued,
"Let's see if this dog knows its books of the Bible... Turn to Psalm 23".
The dog then opened the Bible with its snout and pawed through the pages to
Psalm 23.
Very pleased, the father bought the dog and brought it home.

The next day, the family had visitors. They showed their friends the Baptist
dog and the things it could do. Finally, the friends asked, "Well, can it do
any other tricks that normal dogs do?"

The Baptist father wondered and said, "Hmm, I don't know. I've never tried."
He then ordered the dog, "Heel."

Suddenly the dog leaped onto the father's lap and placed its paw on the
man's head and started to pray.
"Wait a minute!" exclaimed the Baptist mother, "This dog isn't Baptist! It's
Pentecostal!"

5. And my favourite from Baillie McKenny

  WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

   HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

   WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"

   HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

   WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

   HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."

   WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).

   HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).

   WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"

   HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."

   WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

   HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

   WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"

   HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."

   WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

   HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

   WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"

   HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

   WIFE: - - - silence - -

   HUSBAND: "Bugger"

6. For those with Broadband or who don't mind a 2-3 minute download on Dial-up here's a beauty that Mike Dinn sent in:

http://www.pcug.org.au/~mdinn/badday.mpeg (450 KB)

7.  And John Saxon reports:

I really like http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/ which has all sorts of computer related humour - I particularly enjoy the Technical Support 'calls from hell'

John Saxon 19 Nov 2004

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