Bruce has finally invented the first absolutely foolproof way to goof off at work. He picks up the phone,
dials his office, and asks for himself.  When the switchboard operator tells him the line is busy,
he says, "I'll hold."

Another of the great unsolvable mysteries is why do teenagers express their burning desire to be different
by dressing exactly alike?  

Here's another thing that's tough to figure:  Talk about other people and you're a gossip; talk about
yourself, and you're a bore.  

As the prisoner said when the rain came through the roof: "This pen leaks!"  

I made the mistake of telling my dentist that $100 for pulling a tooth was too expensive because
it took only a few seconds.
So he pulled it out  r-e-a-l   s-l-o-w.  

It's easy to milk a cow.   
A jerk can do it.  

The only nice thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others.  

Poker is a game where a good deal depends upon a good deal.

What do you get when you cross a praying mantis with a termite? A bug that says grace before it eats your house.

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